2014.

so.

2014, huh?

pretty amazing year, i guess.

a lot of things happened this year.

some were wonderful, some were sad.

some were sadly wonderful and vice versa.

i’m not gonna shit around telling you about all the things that have happened to me, but i think some of them are worth mentioning.

arsenal, after 9yrs of trophy drought, finally won one. hell no, they won 2! they were nothing major but still, it’s a good start.

the night we won the 1^st trophy, i was like a firework on new years eve. i was bursting out in flames, being happy.

i wish i could always be that happy.

then, i went abroad, doing some religious trip.

it was pretty remarkable, bcos i’ve never felt that close to God, and there were moments where i felt like He was right there, sitting with me, holding my praying hands, ears in my mouth and brushing off my tears, telling me it’s all gonna be okay, bcos i have Him.

i got to see some beautiful cities, too. cities that i dream would be the places i go on my honeymoon.

2014 was kinda weird, too.

i met someone that got me thinking of actually getting married.

not getting-married-fun, but getting-married-married.

and that’s just kinda crazy.

i learned the hard, hurtful, bitter truths about friendship, in this year.

it did not come in handy, i was kinda shocked and wished i could just disappear off the earth but hurricane doesn’t last forever, so i got over it, thankfully.

now, i’m so glad to have best of friends that a girl could possibly asks for.

in my hometown, in here, and even abroad. oh, i couldn’t be more grateful.

and i’m thankful, too, for having friends that are unlike any of my other friends, who showed me a life where morning is the time to be tired, when you aren’t sleeping, and night is when you go out and have a lot of fun.

and not only that, i’m so happy that i finally found someone my own sex, that can totally get me, that i can always count on, that is as insecure as i am but it only brings us even closer, and (this is when i know she really is one of very few people that i wouldn’t trade even for the world) that i’m not embarrassed to cry in front of.

basically, 2014 was full of memories, valuable lessons that i will always cherish my whole life.

there were heartbreaks, homesickness, tears, but there were also laughter, joys, and cheers.

and for everything that have happened this year, i’m grateful.

thank you, 2014, you’ve been a hell of a companion.

with love, and gratitude,

sabila,

x

p.s.= cesc fabregas signed for chelsea.

p.p.s.= i bought 56 books this year, and have read 38 of them.

            2015 reading target: read 45 books.

p.p.p.s.= for everything and everyone that i didn’t list off in this post, it doesn’t make me less grateful for having you exist around me. thank you!!!

okay, enough of p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

sabila is out.

papay!

xx

hi
so i just got back from Manggala Food Festival, where i just witnessed a humiliating match between Arsenal and Chelshit.
they trashed us 6 fucking 0.
i was so excited about the game bcos it was Arsene's 1000th game. i thought we were going to pull it off, you know? thought we were going to nailed them and everything bcos it was Arsene's 1000th game for fuck sake!
but ever since the kick-off-whistle blown, i knew immediately that we were fucked. we played so bad it was like watching amateurs.
the 1st goal sent my heart to the floor but didn't break it. the 2nd cracked it a little.
i was welling up tears, tho, on the red card & the penalty. it was the point where i said to myself, that we would not win this shit tonight.
i wasn't actually crying bcos i knew we were gonna lose, or we would be humiliated, but i was crying bcos (and only bcos) i knew that the boys just broke Arsene's very heart. the boys just ruined Arsene's special day.
the 4th,5th & 6th goals weren't so shocking, if not at all. i was so much in pain that i couldn't feel it anymore. and for the first time this season, i lost the excitement to watch the rest of the match.
it was so terrible.

but then the game gives me the realization on how much i love the club. it just doesn't matter what happen, doesn't matter how bad things could turn out to be, i will always love them.
i know they will disappoint me sometimes, i know they will make me cry and they will break my heart, but then they'll make me happy, they'll give me marry-go-round moments and nobody could even comes close on making me feel the way they could make me feel.

i figured that this is how it feels to sincerely love someone, who isn't even your family whatsoever, but this time, it was 40 people at once.

x

"you love your club the way you love your children. you don't love them because they are good, you love the because they are yours."

Majelis' Jogja-Semarang Trip 2014 (Part I)

hello from Jakarta the-damned-city! x

ini hari ke 18 gue di Jakarta, dan masih bakal ada disini kurang lebih 15 hari lagi.

dayum.

don’t get me wrong, gue bukannya gak seneng lama-lama disini, tapi kalo lo pernah tinggal lebih dari sebulan di kota yang not as crowded as Jakarta tapi tetep bisa dibilang “kota”, lo bakal ngerti posisi gue.

why why why gue lama banget di Jakarta? karena kampus gue lagi libur semester.

anyway, gue bukan lagi pengen cerita soal liburan semester gue disini, gue lagi pengen cerita liburan pertama gue (a proper one) bareng Majelis! (short explanation: Majelis adalah semacam perkumpulan yang berisi 4 orang cewek, yang dipertemukan oleh nasib, dan saling menyayangi serta mengasihi satu sama lain.)

semua dimulai dari pertemuan Naila, Adhis, dan Viona*  di suatu mall, di suatu hari di penghujung 2013. long story short, mereka merencanakan liburan ke Jogja dan Semarang, yang gue dan Falisha setujui buat ikutan, dan berujung ketidakikutsertaan Viona karena kesandung izin orang tua.

jadilah, Majelis berangkat ke liburan pertama kita, tanpa bawa embel orangtua (kecuali duit dan izinnya) ataupun nama sekolah.

day one, January 17^th 2014.

Naila, Adhis, dan Falisha berangkat dari Jakarta naik kereta tujuan Jogja  tanggal 16 Januari malem, sedangkan gue berangkat dari Semarang naik shuttle car tujuan Jogja tanggal 17 Januari pagi-pagi buta. kita berempat ketemuan di kosan sodara Adhis, somewhere di deket UGM.

Ullen Sentalu

setelah temu kangen dan mandi-mandi dikit, kita berangkat jam 9 pagi naik mobil sodara Adhis ke Ullen Sentalu. disana kita liat dan belajar soal sejarah kesultanan Jogja dan Solo.

dari Ullen Sentalu, kita off-road ke Merapi dan liat bekas erupsi Merapi di tahun 2010 yang begitu dahsyat dan sesuatu (too much feelings, can’t find the right word, sorry).

dan waktu barusan gue bilang off-road, kita beneran naik jeep tanpa atap, di jalanan yang super..bergejolak. biar dapet sensasinya, gue, Falisha, dan Naila berdiri sepanjang perjalanan balik dari Merapi ke parkiran mobil. kenapa cuma pas balik? karena pas berangkat, ujan deres. kenapa Adhis gaikut diri? karena dia duduk disebelah driver. gila, goyang banget bro.

dari Merapi, kita makan sore di the famous The House Of Raminten.

malemnya, Pasar Sekaten Alun-Alun Selatan Jogja!

kami naik suatu permainan bernama Ombak Asmara, yang kalo selama idup lo belom pernah naikin, idup lo belom  afdol. trus kami ke Alun-Alun Utara dan naik tandem mobil yang harus digenjot kaya sepeda.

dari situ, kami makan nasi goreng sapi super enak, super banyak, dan super murah!

man, my life has just been made.

[TO BE CONTINUED...]

00:14

i don't even know why i opened the site in the first place.
it's 00:14 when i type this, and i just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars an hour-or-so a go, for the second time.

i don't know, the book is so popular that i NEED to read it twice to understand why the book is so popular. and i failed. i have read the book twice and although i appreciate it better, i still think that people are overrating the book. maybe because most of the readers are extreme-emotionally-unstable-teenagers, i guess? (not that i've turned into a completely-stable person, anyway..)

the book is sad, i admit. but to be "punished" that way for its rudeness is somehow TOO much, for me.

anyway.

you just never know what will happen next, right?
i was so happy, this time two days ago.
and i'd be soooo upset and mad and angry as hell in about one hour & 25 mins to go two days ago.

man, life and its unpredictability.

x

bonded.

waking up to the news that Theo will be out for at least six months.

i was crying, the boys are sad and we miss him already. Theo is not just some boy running and scoring for us on the pitch. he is our friend, he is one of us.

ever since Poldi and Oli came, so many things have changed. the squad were getting closer to each other and after continuous bonding sessions, they are tight. they are not only partners on the field, they are best friends out of it, they are family, they are bonded, all of them.

they smile and laugh at photos & videos, and that’s not because they want people to think they are happy, it’s because they simply are. with each other, through thick and thin.

they celebrate each other’ birthdays, they miss each other when they are apart.

i have realized that for a while now, but the latest news of Theo bring clearer image.

it’s not about winning the title and everything anymore, it’s about making each other happy, and winning is one of the way to do it. it’s about the will to fight together not because their job description tells them to, but because they want to, because they’d love to.

we’ve been waiting and gone through a lot of pain for this moment to come, and now it is here.

our main target now is to win the league, and the champs league if not too much. but even if we don’t win any this year, we’ll still have each other. and i think that’s good enough.

i know this moment will not lasts forever, and that’s exactly why i want to cherish it while i still can.

2013

hi!

okay. so, 2013. what happened in twenty-thirteen?

pertama, gue akhirnya ngerasain ujian nasional paling terkenal dan katanya paling susah di Indonesia, which is Ujian Nasional SMA. gue lulus UN SMA dan gue lolos seleksi perguruan tinggi negeri lewat jalur undangan juga, which was kinda cool i think,  walaupun katanya sih yang lolos lewat jalur tertulis lebih keren..

trus gue ketemu dan nonton Arsenal pake mata, badan dan kaki gue sendiri which was actually the most highlighted event in 2013. selain itu, gue akhirnya merasakan (dan ketagihan) atmosfir nobar Arsenal’s regular matches bareng anak-anak Arsenal Indonesian Supporter Semarang.

trus gue pindah ke Semarang dan ngerasain hidup jauh dari temen terdekat dan sanak keluarga. banyak pelajaran yang bisa gue petik dari 4 bulan kesendirian gue. well, gue gak sendirian. gue bareng temen-temen seperjuangan yang jauh juga dari rumah. gue bahkan “ditemenin” juga sama temen-temen lama gue dan keluarga gue, eventho not in their physical presences.

gue gak banyak ngerasain kehilangan dan kesedihan di tahun ini, tapi gak bisa dibilang gak ada momen-momen itu. di awal-awal tahun, Arsenal masih sering bikin gue nangis walaupun di pertengahan dan sampai kemarin match terakhir, mereka lebih sering beamed me up nya. waktu akhirnya lulus sma, terasa banget ketakutan jauh dan pisah sama temen-temen yang selama ini udah bareng selama 3 tahun. dan waktu gue harus pindah ke Semarang, ada juga perasaan takut gak bisa adaptasi, dan takut dilupain sama yang di Jakarta. see, kesedihan dan ketakutan itu pasti ada, tapi they didn’t take up so much rooms.

overall, 2013 adalah tahun yang remarkable, unforgettable and last but not least: precious.

terima kasih buat siapa dan apa pun yang udah ngisi hari-hari gue di 2013, i wish you a decent upcoming 2014 and good luck!

x

d-d-distance

sometimes i wonder if i didn't choose to be here. what the universe would be if i was still living there, in my hometown?

i just finished making a phone call to my mom, and i miss her. i miss her BIG time.

i don't regret my decision to get the hell away from Jakarta, the very city where i used to live. don't get me wrong. Jakarta is my hometown, it always will be. but Semarang fits me (somehow) better. i know that it only has been 3 months, but i like Semarang better than Jakarta already. the city is peaceful, it's quiet. i don't get pissed off all the time, and that's not because i've became more patient but simply because the people barely do things that could make me wanna beat them the hell up.

there i said it, i don't regret not living in Jakarta right now. i miss Jakarta and things and people that come around with it sometimes, but i like it better. i like to miss them, rather than to have them with me in their physical presences all the time. distance teaches me how to love better, it teaches me that distance means so little when someone (or in my case, some people) means so much. distance tells me who are my friends, the ones that really are mine. distance shows me how big the love that my family has for me, how much they care about me even when thousand kilometers set us apart.

the bottom line is this: i don't think i'd known these things if i chose to stay. i still think that i made a (very) right choice, to be here, far away from the loved ones. i just think that this is the price that i have to pay. the price for what? for so many great things, the ones that had happened and the ones that will.

x