still.

here i'm again. hmmm he's leaving us. now, i feel so sad about this. 2nd broken heart in 2011. in my life, actually. but this is the most broken heart moment, ever. i cried, yeah  =_=  useless, i know. but i cant hold this tears any longer. i cant pretend like i'm okay when he's leaving us. i cant say i'm fine when he's now apart from us. Arsenal and Cesc used to be one. Cesc is Arsenal. and Arsenal Captain is Cesc. but now? no more. Cesc is Gunner, but not Arsenal. Arsenal's Captain isn't him anymore. i cant see him plays such a beautiful games with the captain ban on his arm anymore. i cant see him in red shirt with gun in his chest again. he's still my numero four, but not in Arsenal.

thank you Cesc for playing for Arsenal. thank you for making me smile. thank you for being my hero. please stay the same and change only if you're becoming better <3 i'll support you no matter what. through your misses and shots on target. through your good and bad times. through your injuries. through your international games. 'cause i love you. <3 <3 <3 and..thank you for made love and know about football. it started from you! hahahaha. but i will always be a Gooner. i will always support Arsenal, just like when you were still here. with or without you, Arsenal is Arsenal. and i will always be their fan.

xoxo -ur biggest lover-

Cesc Fabregas through the Arsenal years

Full name: Francesc Fàbregas Soler
Date of Birth:  4 May 1987

2003/04 Season: 
Cesc joined the Club in 16 September 2003 and became Arsenal’s youngest ever first-team player, aged 16 years and 177 days, when he made his debut against Rotherham United in the League Cup on October 23.

2004/05 Season: 
It was not until the start of the 2004/05 season that Cesc made serious inroads into the first-team, and he started against Manchester United in the season-opening Community Shield on August 8.

2005/06 Season: 
After the departure of Patrick Vieira to Juventus, Cesc was given the Frenchman’s No 4 shirt and featured regularly in the Arsenal midfield alongside Gilberto Silva.

2006/07 Season: 
Cesc signed a new eight-year contract in October as he signalled his intention to spend his best years at the Club. “I am so happy here and I am delighted to have signed this new contract that will keep me at the Club for years to come,” he said.

2007/08 Season: 
Cesc continued to be a vital member of the team as he had his most productive season in front of goal, scoring 13 times in all competitions.

2008/09 Season: 
Cesc Fabregas was ruled out for four months after sustaining a knee injury in a 50:50 challenge with Xabi Alonso in a game against Liverpool.
On November 24, Cesc was appointed Club Captain and successor to William Gallas. “It is a great honour for me to captain one of the biggest clubs in the world. It is a proud moment. I know it’s a big responsibility but together with my team-mates, I know we have the spirit and commitment to get back to winning ways and fulfil our potential.”

2009/10 Season: 
Cesc Fabregas has had some outstanding seasons in an Arsenal shirt but 2009/10 was surely his best yet.

2010/11 Season:
Cesc Fabregas has had better seasons than 2010/11 but he was as effective as ever when he did make it onto the pitch.


so, Arsenal made Cesc Fabregas the player he is today. 

c

gatau mau ngomong apa lagi. i'm so speechless and all these words have gone. akhirnya hal yang gue takutin kejadian juga. he's leaving us. he's not here anymore. he's gone.
       

   ''you're Barca player now. but you still our youngest captain.''
   
   ''just doing your best in Barcelona. i hope you will never forget a club who has made your name is known by the world.''
    
   ''Arsenal teachs a football to cesc from zero to hero, and he got it. not Diving, but Playing.''
    
   ''he's only 24, and he's better than Xavi.''
   

   ''Emirates, Arsenal, and Arsene Wenger are everything to him. he was nothing before he came to London. but, Barcelona is his home.''
   
   ''there's many offers and salaries much bigger for him from another clubs. but, why he prefer Barca? because he just wanna go home.''

dua kalimat terakhir itu, bener-bener nyentuh hati gue. he knows what best for him. and i'm moving on. but still, i love you no less, captain. <3

what if?

what if i say, i have a special feeling for u? what if i say, u've stole something from me; a piece of my heart? what if i say, u're the one that i want to see, these days? what if i say, i get a little jealous when i see u with her? what if i say, when i'm with you, my outside is cool while my inside is blue? what if i say, this feeling will mess our friendship? what if....i fall for you?

tutup aurat.

yak. terakhir gue ngepost itu tanggal 27juli, dan rasanya kayak udh berbulan2 gak buka account ini. *tiup debu*. sebenernya udh bbrp hari ini gue pgn ngepost, tapi gatau apa. bener-bener have no idea hrs nulis apa. sempet kepikiran juga sih ngepost tentang si ''ex-special summon'' yg nagih post mulu karna doi jd kepedean. tp setelah dipikir-pikir kok kayaknya udh gaada yg hrs diceritain ya huaha. jadi, drpd nyampah dipembukaan yg gajelas apa isinya ini, mending gue mulai cerita aja, tentang the biggest decision i ever made in my life (this far).

lo semua pasti tau kan, kalo sebagai seorang muslimah, gue diwajibkan buat nutup aurat gue. so, berarti gue hrs pake kerudung. gapernah terlintas sedikit pun diotak gue, buat pake kerudung di umur under 20. gue pikir paling gue br pake kerudung pas kuliah, atau malah pas nikah. gapernah gue ngebayangin cerminan diri gue sendiri pas serius pake kerudung. gue pikir, mana mungkin bocah begajulan gak keruan kayak gue, bisa tahan pake kerudung di under 20. gmn ceritanya gue yg sholat msh bolong2, kalo ada ceramah malah pake earphone, hobi ngomongin org, seneng liat cowo-cowo hot, nempel-nempel sm yg bukan muhrim selow, bisa kepikiran buat pake kerudung.

and here we go, bbrp bulan ini gue mulai berpikir buat pake kerudung. well, cm baru terlintas doang. semenit, abis itu lupa. suatu hari gue diingetin sama temen gue bernama Adam, tentang seberapa dosa yg bakal gue dpt kalo gak nutup aurat. well, gue, tercengang. tapi unfortunetly, hati gue belom tergerak buat nutup aurat gue. gue msh pengen meng-eksis-kan rambut gue yg kribo nan asoy ini.

until suddenly, disuatu pagi yang cerah, dibulan Ramadhan 1432 H. tepatnya tanggal 8 Ramadhan 1432 H atau 8 Agustus 2011. gue, sebagai siswi SMAN68Jakarta yg berbudi pekerti luhur, mengikuti kegiatan rutin harian Ramadhan, yaitu Tadarus bersama di lapangan. dan seperti biasa pula, abis Tadarus, bakal ada yg ngasih kultum didepan. dan.......ini dia. detik-detik paling berharga di hidup gue. #eaa. majulah seorang Kausar Meloza (maaf kalo salah tulis) ke depan buat ngasih kultum. dia pun mulai berkultum, tentang Hadist Rasulullah SAW. gue gainget persis apa Hadist pertamanya, tapi ada satu hadist yg paling gue inget di kultumnya si kausar. Hadist kedua. dia cerita ttg perkataan Rasulullah SAW yg blg bahwa umat-NYA yg paling banyak masuk neraka adalah perempuan. kenapa? karena banyak perempuan yg gak nutup aurat. sampe disini, gue msh biasa aja. msh cuek, sama kayak hari-hari kemaren. sampe akhirnya, kausar cerita soal hukuman dineraka buat perempuan2 yg gak nutup aurat. dia blg, perempuan2 itu bakal digantung pake rambutnya sendiri, dan otaknya bakal mendidih.

tiba-tiba gue diem. tiba-tiba kayak ada yg nyentil gue. tiba-tiba otak gue jd kacau. tiba-tiba gue denger berita cesc pindah ke barcelona #PLAK. tiba-tiba, gue terpikir lagi buat pake kerudung. tapi kali ini beda. ini gak sama. gue kepikiran, bener-bener kepikiran. mulai dr si kausar selesai kultum, ampe sore gue gaberenti mikirin ''gmn kalo gue nutup aurat mulai skrg?'' dan gue lgsg nanya ke dalmatian. mereka blg ya semua terserah gue. lalu gue tanya nyokap, dan jawaban nyokap pun hampir serupa, tapi lebih bijak. gue tambah bingung. gue jd galau. gue pgn sholat istikharah, tapi lagi mens. gue makin pusing. gue makin galau. rambut gue makin semrawut dan uban gue makin memutih. akhirnya setelah semedi didepan layar hp dan berpikir matang-matang, akhirnya............gue..........seorang Sabila Fadhiah, seorang mantan ketua geng motor yg cuma punya satu anggota, seorang kribolos yang gak pernah bolos, seorang pecinta El Arsenal El Real El España dan El Fàbregas, seorang begajulan yg hobi nongkrong di sarinah sama 2bocahkontrasberatbadan, pun memutuskan buat nutup aurat. yak, gue memutuskan buat pake kerudung.

besoknya, komentar dr temen2 gue adalah heboh. heboh banget. sangat heboh banget. sangat terlalu heboh banget. mereka teriak, histeris, meluk, ngeliatin, pamerin gue ke org lain (¬_¬) dan lain-lain-lain yg heboh-heboh. mereka dgn semena-mena ngeganti nama gue jd ''soleha''. guru-guru pun ternyata sadar sama perubahan penampilan gue. mereka bilang, gue cantik. aduh dr dulu kmn aja bu, pak. T_T. hahahaha. sejauh ini semua komentarnya positif, kecuali dr Aidhil yg keliatannya msh blm bisa nerima kenyataan kalo sobatnya yg bohay ini udh pake kerudung :3 tapi akhirnya....Aidhil menerima juga kenyataan ini. huaha.

orang-orang pun jd banyak yg nanya ''lo beneran pake kerudung? apa cuma pas bulan puasa doang?'' entah apa yg ada dipikiran org2 itu, dikira gue artis yg ke-gap pake narkoba dan lgsg pake kerudung buat nutupin kedok apa yak.. T_T dan gue cuma bisa jawab dgn muka (sok) manis: ''insya Allah seterusnya, doain ya :)'' manis kan? beeeh, banget. so, intinya, gue, sekarang, udah, memutuskan, buat, nutup, aurat, gue. doain ya, semoga ini selamanya. #eaa

kecup hangat, wassalam

shit.

i got the fact that you're not trustworthy. i got no respect for you. i'm not mad, i just feels so dissapointed. i'm not that easy to give my trust to anyone, and i've gave you one, and you throw my trust away. huh, thanks.

bukan kita yang berubah.

i just posted something on my twitter few days ago. ''that's funny how friendship between two people that used to be so close, could ended up like dont know each other.'' and it's for you actually.

 gatau knp tiba-tiba gue inget lo. gatau kenapa tiba-tiba gue pgn ngetweet itu. dan gatau knp tiba-tiba elo online. -__-. belom berubah ya, lo selalu muncul pas gue pgn lo ada. lo selalu nongol pas gue ngomongin elo. dan randomly, barusan elo nyapa gue di bbm. mungkin ikatan batin kita emg gak berubah, tapi kita yang berubah. mungkin gue bakal tetep bisa ngerasain apa yg lo rasain, mungkin lo ttp bisa tau kalo gue lagi butuh atau kangen elo, mungkin kita masih bisa tau lokasi kita masing-masing ada dimana, tapi kita bukan kita yang dulu lagi. mungkin elo sama gue bukan sahabat kayak dulu lagi. mungkin ini cuma kita yang berusaha pertahanin pertemanan kita, tapi kita bisa apa? lama-lama kita cuma bisa nyakitin satu sama lain doang. lo gapernah cerita lagi tentang hidup lo, dan gue juga gapernah ngomong apa-apa lagi.

gue gatau gimana hubungan lo sm cewek lo skrg, masih apa udah putus pun entahlah elo gapernah cerita lagi. elo juga gatau siapa gebetan gue. elo juga gatau kan, kalo bestie yg dulu sering lo gendong-gendong dikoridor sekolah ini udh nemuin cinta pertamanya? atau cerita-cerita dahsyat lain yang harusnya kita bagi satu sama lain, tapi nyatanya gapernah kita ceritain.

gue kangen jaman waktu kita masih deket dulu. jaman saling cengan waktu sd, jaman kepisah waktu smp, jaman ketemu lagi waktu kelas 8, jaman gue curhat soal yobbi, jaman elo minta solusi soal penyakit bosenan lo, jaman gendong-gendongan depan perpus, jaman curi-curi peluk depan kls gue, jaman elo dicengin wali kls lo gara-gara tiap istirahat bareng gue terus, jaman kita dikira backstreet, jaman gue dijemput sama lo di bta padahal cewek lo juga bta, jaman kemana-mana konvoi motor bareng, jaman pulang malem buat belajar fisika bareng dirumah gue, jaman kongkow dirumah lo, jaman lo gemes bgt nyuruh gue putus sama samuel, jaman bbman random tiap malem, jaman dulu deh pokoknya. jaman pas pertemanan kita masih anget, gak dingin kayak sekarang.

dulu gue pikir, lo bakal terus kayak gini buat gue. lo bakal tetep se-spesial ini buat gue. lo bakal tetep jadi temen terbaik gue, yang gaada saingannya. tapi gue salah. seiring berjalannya waktu, kita jarang bgt ketemu, jarang ngobrol. dan gue nemuin suatu ''tempat'' baru. namanya dalmatian. gue udah anggep mereka kayak sodara gue. dan mereka gak cuma satu, mereka 34orang. pelan-pelan mereka udah mulai geser posisi lo. gue ngerasa mereka lebih berharga dibanding elo. salah gaksih gue biarin mereka geser posisi lo? maaf kalo gue salah. tapi gue gamau buang waktu gue cuma buat pertahanin sesuatu yang gak jelas ujungnya.

salah kalo lo bilang gue gak sayang sama lo lagi. salah kalo lo bilang lo gak spesial lagi buat gue. salah kalo lo kira gue gabakal ada lagi buat lo kalo lo butuh gue. gue gak berubah sob, cuma lingkungan kita aja yang beda. gue tetep sayng kok sama lo. lo tetep spesial buat gue. dan gue tetep mau dengerin cerita lo kalo lo butuh gue. tapi gak kayak dulu lagi.

orang bilang, ini mungkin cuma persahabatan singkat yg gaada maknanya.tapi siapa yg tau, mungkin aja ini cuma cobaan buat kita, biar kalo suatu hari nanti kita ketemu dan deket lagi, persahabatan kita bakal lebih kuat dari sebelomnya. iyakan? intinya, lo tau gue, gue tau elo. mulai dari bagus sampe boroknya. mulai dari luar sampe dalemnya. mulai dari ujung rambut sampe ujung kuku kaki. sembilan taun tuh bukan waktu yang pendek, sob. gue gamau cuma gara-gara jarang komunikasi, gue keilangan temen baik gue. sekarang gaada yg bisa gue lakuin selain berdoa. kedengerennya agak sok alim ya, tp ya apa boleh buat. gue dan elo sama-sama punya gengsi yg terlalu gede buat ngancurin tembok dingin didepan kita duluan. dan satu hal lagi, walaupun lo gabakal baca blog ini karna elo pun gatau gue udah punya blog, gue mau bilang, kalo lo punya tempat sendiri dihati gue. gatau siapa yg ngetag.

oke?