my non-sugar-daddy club

''you don't choose a football club to be the club you support. it's God that choose you to be their supporter.'' --- Anonymous

honest opinion? i'm agree with that anonymous. i don't know why, maybe bcos i myself never chose myself to be the supporter of Arsenal. it just happens that way.

today i feel so grateful that Allah chose me to be the supporter of Arsenal, not of some Sugar Daddy Clubs (you-know-who). oh yes of course they've got trophies to be proud about, but am i --are we, Gooners-- jealous with them? the honest answer is no. no i'm not lying, the answer is no, i'm --we are, Gooners-- not jealous. why? bcos we've got anything better than them. yes me myself is really craving for real trophies, but to be jealous of those Sugar Daddy Clubs? oho no no. they've got money, we've got class. they've got trophies, we are on the way to that. yes Arsenal may still have a long way to that stage of winning the league again or maybe Champions League, but we are on our way to that. we don't know when, but we know we will be there, with our hardworks and faiths and patiences, we know we will.

this evening i heard the news about Robberto Di Matteo got sacked by Chelsea. the sugar daddy, Roman Abramovich is a smart yet impatient rich guy with a big ambition of be the best in the world with his beloved Chelsea Football Club. they are looking for their 9th/10th manager in their last 8 years with mr. Roman while my beloved club is sticking to their loyal-16-years manager. i'm glad we do. i couldn't picture the days of Arsenal without Arséne. i couldn't and i don't want to. i love him and the whole club. yes, i do.

we are still far from winning the league or CL, in my current thinking. but are you confident enough that your sugar daddy will always sticks with the club forever and not run away with all of the money when they someday bored with the club? :)

i'm not saying that supporting the sugar daddy clubs is wrong and you should support Arsenal instead, i'm just saying that i'm grateful to be the supporter of my club, my non-sugardaddy-club.

good night. love football and keep goonerish!

-

i dont know why i sent that offline chat to him. i dont know the exact reason, maybe i'm just missing him.
it's been awhile, about 2 months since the last time i talked to him and he decided to get the fck out of my life. i guess it was my mistake, i said i had a crush on someone in the school, i even mentioned the name. i didnt mean anything by saying that, i really didnt and now i am regretting that.

i can tell he was in pain that day i told him. the way he said ''oh ya, now i will leave you and my feelings for you. hope he'll know somebody out there is needing his admirer so  goddamn bad but it's okay. bye, good luck with life.'' and then *click* was all i heard.

i know it was a mistake to let you go, jun. what an ungrateful kind of girl i am, obviously.

maybe you've moved on there and forgot about me, but i am still sorry for every wrong things i've done to you.

i'm so sorry.

i miss you, always.

wish she will be :)

he was looking for a direction; someone. it was obviously not me bcos if ya, he knew all he needed was turn around and voilà! there i was. but he didn't.

i wish you are happy, always. 

i wish she'll be happy bcos of you, too.

:)

tak ada waktu tuk menjelaskan, tak sangka ini kan datang

waktu hujan turun , di sudut gelap mataku

begitu derasnya, kan ku coba bertahan

angry me?

it's been a sad day, for me. not actually sad, just...broken hearted. it's just hit me; hard, something about him. what? did he just ignored me? maybe it's just me overthinking everything, but really, did he?

we don't know each other. or you could say; he don't know me. we are not friends, we are just strangers; with no memories. we are in the same school, lucky me. he love something that i love too, accidentally. a friend of mine told me about him, and then the story goes.

it's been 6 months. me staring from distance, everytime. he was everything i wanted. it was hard to move on from your first love, but he made me cleared my head off from my 'impossible to forget'. he had that chance to go further. but we didn't know each other. how to expect?

i just deleted his bbm. it was hard, but i'm better off from any kind of distractions like that.

maybe i'll miss his pictures. his DPs.

i'm just too angry to keep his faces on my pages.

1 hour to go to the kick off

VAMOS LA ROJA

lets repeat the 2 years ago glory

VAMOS

told you

and i told you to be patient

i told you to be fine

i told you to be balanced

i told you to be kind

and in the morning i will be with you

but it will be a different kind

i will be holding all the tickets

and you will be owning all the fines

and now all your love is wasted

and who the hell was i?

and i am breaking all the bridges

and at the end of all your lines

who will love you?

who will fight?

who will be far behind?

i love you.

''i love you'', ''i love you too''. gak asing kan sama kata-kata barusan? enggak lah, pasti gak asing. we've been heard so many 'i love you' thingy in our life. entah waktu nonton film, waktu denger lagu, waktu lagi ada di deket temen kita yang lagi kasmaran, atau malah mungkin denger itu dari si pujaan hati. atau dari mulut lo sendiri? ditujukan untuk seseorang diluar sana, yang kemungkinan besar gak tau, atau mungkin dia tau tapi gabisa berbuat apa-apa dengan perasaan lo itu.

buat gue, kata-kata 'gue cinta sama lo' itu sakral. kata-kata 'gue cinta sama lo' itu kuat, lebih kuat daripada tarikan tambang antar RW di 17Agustus-an. buat gue, itu bukan kata-kata yang bisa sering lo ucapin. 'gue cinta sama lo', bukan kata-kata yang bisa lo mainin. dan buat gue, orang yang gak ngerti apa pentingnya menjaga kata 'gue cinta sama lo', adalah orang-orang yang belom pernah ngerasain dahsyatnya perasaan sakral itu di hidup mereka.

hari gini, orang-orang yang tidak (atau belum) bisa menghargai mahalnya kalimat 'gue cinta lo' itu, makin banyak. sebanyak lumut di kolam renang yang udah lama gak dirawat. kadang gue gak peduli, terserah dia lah mau ngomong apa. mulut-mulut dia, hidup-hidup dia. tapi persepsi soal 'cinta' itu sendiri, makin lama kok makin melenceng ya. gue tau, gue cuma anak ingusan yang gak ngerti apa-apa soal hidup, soal cinta. but at least, i've been loved once. my first love, my better reality. dan gue tau rasanya, gue tau betapa indahnya, dan betapa sakitnya.

jatuh cinta berkali-kali? i don't believe it. mungkin kalimat 'jatuh suka berkali-kali' itu lebih pas. waktu lo suka sama orang, it won't be too hard for you to let him/her go. it may only takes 2months to move on, to clearly move on. tapi beda sama cinta. the beauty, the dreams, the pains, itu gak pernah terasa sama. dan waktu lo kehilangan orang itu, it won't be easy for you to cover the pain, EVEN if there is someone new. rasanya lo pengen, pengen banget ngangkat semua perasaan cinta lo ke seorang itu, dan ngalihin semua rasa itu ke si 'orang baru'. tapi bahkan disaat lo sudah jatuh ke perangkap cinta, bukan cuma meninggalkan perasaan itu yang sulit, tapi mengarahkan dia kearah yang lain pun akan terasa sama sulitnya.

xoxo

you have no idea.

''I shouldn’t care and get affected by this, but the sad thing is that i am.  To be honest, i still like you.  No matter what happens, there’s always a part of me that will like you.''

D, oh i mean A

''i'm not missing the moments. nor the feelings. i'm missing you, just you.'' is the last tweet from @sabilaf when i'm writing this post. i dunno why, and eventho i hate to say this, but yeah i do miss you. like.. so much.

i'm not lying by saying that i'm not missing our moments, our feelings. why? bcos i could make those moments, anytime i want. i could grow those feeling with anyone. but you are just you are. with ur imperfection, with ur silly faces, with ur lies, with ur tears, with ur scars. i kno that i wouldn't find anyone like u. the person that kno me better than i do. the person i would never leave.

i'm lying when i said ''jangan salahin gue kalo mereka geser posisi lo, karna gue gamau pertahanin sesuatu yang gak pasti'' in one of my post few months ago. i thought that, yeah, they would replace u, bcos they're such a very good friends better than u do, but in fact, they couldn't took ur place. they got their own place, not urs.

i dunno, you are just that special. as special as nasi goreng pake telor yang karetnya 3. i still remember that tweet, ur tweet. ah, gabakal ada abisnya ngomongin ginian.



(i lost the capture, but this is exactly the words)

@sabilaf gue gapernah endchat conversations kita loh :)

@xxx gue jugaRT @sabilaf: gue gapernah endchat conversations kita loh :)

@sabilaf lo gapernah endchat sm siapa?RT @xxx gue jugaRT @sabilaf: gue gapernah endchat conversations kita loh :)

@xxx sama lo.RT @sabilaf: lo gapernah endchat sm siapa?RT @xxx gue jugaRT @sabilaf: gue gapernah endchat conversations kita loh :)


i kno we're soulmate for lifetime, d. <3

in the end,

is there sumthin' wrong?

pernah gak sih, lo merasa pengen escape dari kehidupan lo sekarang? pernah gak sih, ngerasa jenuh sama segala isi hidup lo? bukan, lo bukan bosen sama hidup lo. tapi sama ISI hidup lo. ya, kayak temen, keluarga, gebetan, idola, klub kesayangan, sekolah, dan masih banyak lah isi-isi hidup lo. pernah gak sih lo ngerasa begitu jenuh sama mereka, sampe kepala lo rasanya sakit, sampe rasanya lo pengen lari, pergi jauh-jauh dari mereka, kabur ke tempat baru yang belom pernah lo kunjungin, dan ngejalanin hari-hari lo sama orang-orang baru. lo pengen buang semua barang-barang lo, ganti memory card hp lo, dengerin lagu-lagu yang beda dan liat foto-foto yang sebelumnya gaada di memory card lo. pernah gak, lo merasa begitu muak sama semua temen sekolah lo, lo ngerasa males; bahkan jijik, buat ngomong atau ketemu sama mereka. semua selera lo, all of ur excitements, are all gone. bahkan buat baca tweet atau liat dp bbm gebetan lo aja, lo gak selera bgt. do you ever? bcos i did.

i was asking myself, what's wrong?

pas liburan kemaren, tiba-tiba aja gue males sama temen-temen SMA gue. kalo ada yg bbm, gue lama-lamain balesnya. kalo ada yang mention, gue gabales. kalo ada yang ngajak jalan, gue cari-cari alesan buat nolak. intinya: gue males berkomunikasi sama mereka. all of them. waktu mereka mau berfutsal ria, gue gaikut, bahkan buat buka grup bbm mereka aja, udh males abis. waktu NYE, walaupun gue agak tergoda, tapi akhirnya gue tolak juga dgn alesan ''gapapa.'' waktu ada yg nanya ''kenapa?''. i'm sick of u all, that's why.

maybe i really need a new life. or maybe not.

but, well, i feel better after 'escape' and made @sabbbilaf so i shudn't have to read ur tweets.. you may think it's silly but, whatever.




you better not judge after read this, ask first is the best way. bcos this post didn't exactly reflect my situations. but, it's up to you, then. i dont care :)