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i dont know why i sent that offline chat to him. i dont know the exact reason, maybe i'm just missing him.
it's been awhile, about 2 months since the last time i talked to him and he decided to get the fck out of my life. i guess it was my mistake, i said i had a crush on someone in the school, i even mentioned the name. i didnt mean anything by saying that, i really didnt and now i am regretting that.

i can tell he was in pain that day i told him. the way he said ''oh ya, now i will leave you and my feelings for you. hope he'll know somebody out there is needing his admirer so  goddamn bad but it's okay. bye, good luck with life.'' and then *click* was all i heard.

i know it was a mistake to let you go, jun. what an ungrateful kind of girl i am, obviously.

maybe you've moved on there and forgot about me, but i am still sorry for every wrong things i've done to you.

i'm so sorry.

i miss you, always.

wish she will be :)

he was looking for a direction; someone. it was obviously not me bcos if ya, he knew all he needed was turn around and voilà! there i was. but he didn't.

i wish you are happy, always. 

i wish she'll be happy bcos of you, too.

:)

tak ada waktu tuk menjelaskan, tak sangka ini kan datang

waktu hujan turun , di sudut gelap mataku

begitu derasnya, kan ku coba bertahan

angry me?

it's been a sad day, for me. not actually sad, just...broken hearted. it's just hit me; hard, something about him. what? did he just ignored me? maybe it's just me overthinking everything, but really, did he?

we don't know each other. or you could say; he don't know me. we are not friends, we are just strangers; with no memories. we are in the same school, lucky me. he love something that i love too, accidentally. a friend of mine told me about him, and then the story goes.

it's been 6 months. me staring from distance, everytime. he was everything i wanted. it was hard to move on from your first love, but he made me cleared my head off from my 'impossible to forget'. he had that chance to go further. but we didn't know each other. how to expect?

i just deleted his bbm. it was hard, but i'm better off from any kind of distractions like that.

maybe i'll miss his pictures. his DPs.

i'm just too angry to keep his faces on my pages.

1 hour to go to the kick off

VAMOS LA ROJA

lets repeat the 2 years ago glory

VAMOS

told you

and i told you to be patient

i told you to be fine

i told you to be balanced

i told you to be kind

and in the morning i will be with you

but it will be a different kind

i will be holding all the tickets

and you will be owning all the fines

and now all your love is wasted

and who the hell was i?

and i am breaking all the bridges

and at the end of all your lines

who will love you?

who will fight?

who will be far behind?

i love you.

''i love you'', ''i love you too''. gak asing kan sama kata-kata barusan? enggak lah, pasti gak asing. we've been heard so many 'i love you' thingy in our life. entah waktu nonton film, waktu denger lagu, waktu lagi ada di deket temen kita yang lagi kasmaran, atau malah mungkin denger itu dari si pujaan hati. atau dari mulut lo sendiri? ditujukan untuk seseorang diluar sana, yang kemungkinan besar gak tau, atau mungkin dia tau tapi gabisa berbuat apa-apa dengan perasaan lo itu.

buat gue, kata-kata 'gue cinta sama lo' itu sakral. kata-kata 'gue cinta sama lo' itu kuat, lebih kuat daripada tarikan tambang antar RW di 17Agustus-an. buat gue, itu bukan kata-kata yang bisa sering lo ucapin. 'gue cinta sama lo', bukan kata-kata yang bisa lo mainin. dan buat gue, orang yang gak ngerti apa pentingnya menjaga kata 'gue cinta sama lo', adalah orang-orang yang belom pernah ngerasain dahsyatnya perasaan sakral itu di hidup mereka.

hari gini, orang-orang yang tidak (atau belum) bisa menghargai mahalnya kalimat 'gue cinta lo' itu, makin banyak. sebanyak lumut di kolam renang yang udah lama gak dirawat. kadang gue gak peduli, terserah dia lah mau ngomong apa. mulut-mulut dia, hidup-hidup dia. tapi persepsi soal 'cinta' itu sendiri, makin lama kok makin melenceng ya. gue tau, gue cuma anak ingusan yang gak ngerti apa-apa soal hidup, soal cinta. but at least, i've been loved once. my first love, my better reality. dan gue tau rasanya, gue tau betapa indahnya, dan betapa sakitnya.

jatuh cinta berkali-kali? i don't believe it. mungkin kalimat 'jatuh suka berkali-kali' itu lebih pas. waktu lo suka sama orang, it won't be too hard for you to let him/her go. it may only takes 2months to move on, to clearly move on. tapi beda sama cinta. the beauty, the dreams, the pains, itu gak pernah terasa sama. dan waktu lo kehilangan orang itu, it won't be easy for you to cover the pain, EVEN if there is someone new. rasanya lo pengen, pengen banget ngangkat semua perasaan cinta lo ke seorang itu, dan ngalihin semua rasa itu ke si 'orang baru'. tapi bahkan disaat lo sudah jatuh ke perangkap cinta, bukan cuma meninggalkan perasaan itu yang sulit, tapi mengarahkan dia kearah yang lain pun akan terasa sama sulitnya.

xoxo

you have no idea.

''I shouldn’t care and get affected by this, but the sad thing is that i am.  To be honest, i still like you.  No matter what happens, there’s always a part of me that will like you.''