2013

hi!

okay. so, 2013. what happened in twenty-thirteen?

pertama, gue akhirnya ngerasain ujian nasional paling terkenal dan katanya paling susah di Indonesia, which is Ujian Nasional SMA. gue lulus UN SMA dan gue lolos seleksi perguruan tinggi negeri lewat jalur undangan juga, which was kinda cool i think,  walaupun katanya sih yang lolos lewat jalur tertulis lebih keren..

trus gue ketemu dan nonton Arsenal pake mata, badan dan kaki gue sendiri which was actually the most highlighted event in 2013. selain itu, gue akhirnya merasakan (dan ketagihan) atmosfir nobar Arsenal’s regular matches bareng anak-anak Arsenal Indonesian Supporter Semarang.

trus gue pindah ke Semarang dan ngerasain hidup jauh dari temen terdekat dan sanak keluarga. banyak pelajaran yang bisa gue petik dari 4 bulan kesendirian gue. well, gue gak sendirian. gue bareng temen-temen seperjuangan yang jauh juga dari rumah. gue bahkan “ditemenin” juga sama temen-temen lama gue dan keluarga gue, eventho not in their physical presences.

gue gak banyak ngerasain kehilangan dan kesedihan di tahun ini, tapi gak bisa dibilang gak ada momen-momen itu. di awal-awal tahun, Arsenal masih sering bikin gue nangis walaupun di pertengahan dan sampai kemarin match terakhir, mereka lebih sering beamed me up nya. waktu akhirnya lulus sma, terasa banget ketakutan jauh dan pisah sama temen-temen yang selama ini udah bareng selama 3 tahun. dan waktu gue harus pindah ke Semarang, ada juga perasaan takut gak bisa adaptasi, dan takut dilupain sama yang di Jakarta. see, kesedihan dan ketakutan itu pasti ada, tapi they didn’t take up so much rooms.

overall, 2013 adalah tahun yang remarkable, unforgettable and last but not least: precious.

terima kasih buat siapa dan apa pun yang udah ngisi hari-hari gue di 2013, i wish you a decent upcoming 2014 and good luck!

x

d-d-distance

sometimes i wonder if i didn't choose to be here. what the universe would be if i was still living there, in my hometown?

i just finished making a phone call to my mom, and i miss her. i miss her BIG time.

i don't regret my decision to get the hell away from Jakarta, the very city where i used to live. don't get me wrong. Jakarta is my hometown, it always will be. but Semarang fits me (somehow) better. i know that it only has been 3 months, but i like Semarang better than Jakarta already. the city is peaceful, it's quiet. i don't get pissed off all the time, and that's not because i've became more patient but simply because the people barely do things that could make me wanna beat them the hell up.

there i said it, i don't regret not living in Jakarta right now. i miss Jakarta and things and people that come around with it sometimes, but i like it better. i like to miss them, rather than to have them with me in their physical presences all the time. distance teaches me how to love better, it teaches me that distance means so little when someone (or in my case, some people) means so much. distance tells me who are my friends, the ones that really are mine. distance shows me how big the love that my family has for me, how much they care about me even when thousand kilometers set us apart.

the bottom line is this: i don't think i'd known these things if i chose to stay. i still think that i made a (very) right choice, to be here, far away from the loved ones. i just think that this is the price that i have to pay. the price for what? for so many great things, the ones that had happened and the ones that will.

x

Sabila Goes To Cinema

so i went to cinema yesterday —after only God knows how long. i watched Thor: The Dark World, because i love the movie of Thor. 

i don't know what makes Thor so much special, since i've been a Thinking-Too-Much-And-Ended-Up-Buying-The-Dvd-Instead kinda kid lately. but when Thor comes out, none second-thought was taking place. i even watched the first movie in the morning, twice —after thousand times, months before.
the thing is, i'm not a superhero movie fan. and i don't watch superhero movie repeatedly. in fact, i don't watch any kind of movie repeatedly (except Jason Bourne Trilogy. GOD, i LOVE those movies so much). well i've watched Batman The Dark Knight more than 3 times, but that's only because of The Joker —my most favourite villain of ALL time (follows by Loki).

i think, i'm into Thor because the stories are so human, unlike any other. i feel like Thor is so close to what i see everyday, to what happens in our daily lives. 
older brother having disagreement with his younger brother, the feeling of being left behind, betrayal, trust issue, craving for equality, all of those aspects are so human. only that the stories aren't captured by "human", that make the movies are "unhuman". 

so yeah i watched the movie yesterday, and damn.. SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOVIE, DON'T READ UNTIL THE NEXT PARAGRAPH ..i was crying a river after the scene where Loki was stabbed and fucking dead. yes, i cried until the end of the movie just to find out that he is NOT dead yet. fuck you, Loki. you take my love for you for granted!!!!

so yeah the movie was great, with emotional scenes and some funny parts which the first movie doesn't provide. and just like any other marvel movies, the last scene was hanging and left me with thousand questions.
well, there have to be another movie of Thor, the third one!!
damn you, Marvel.

and i guess i'm not gonna watch any movie in cinema for a long time (again) after this. it takes so much of my money.. (anak kosan melarat). hahahaha


x

TOP OF DA ______

so i just happened to finish watching the game between Arsenal and Liverpool.
we won 2-0 up!
and we are at the top of the league, 5 points clear!

i'm extremely happy with the team and the situation that we have now, but the thing is that i'm starting to spot bunch of the club's supporters going around mocking other teams.

hey, just because you are on top, doesn't mean you can mock people up.

i know how football fans go, i know exactly how because i am one. but this is premature to do such thing.
i'm happy, you are happy, the team is happy, le boss is happy, but please. don't be such a big-headed jerk.

we know how it feels to fail, to be left behind. did you like being one? no of course you didn't.
so don't do it to others. wait until the time is right. wait until the throne is ours. when the time comes, we will be allowed to celebrate and mock people up a little, because we deserve it.

the world knows how good our fans at not winning title, but do we know how ourselves would be when we win one? i really hope we'll be so much better fans when winning than we were at losing.


i love you Arsenal, i do! x

AAT2013 PART 2

did i leave you guys hangin on my Arsenal To Indonesia post?
i just realized that... lol

di post terakhir, gue bilang i'll write a bit more than usual kan, tapi ternyata abis itu i got busy and haven't got time for blogging. biasalah, maba.. hehe

jadiii, day 2!

hari kedua Arsenal di Indonesia diisi dengan berbagai kegiatan dari pihak klub dan sponsor, such as coaching clinic, interview on tv and things like that. but, despite all of those fun activities, there was this one last activity and a schedule that they had to attend on that day that i think was the most waited for activity. that thing was... *drum roll please* OPEN TRAINING SESSION!!!!!!!

ok i'm sorry, it's really hard to control an overly excited heart.
open training session-nya Arsenal malem itu (mulai jam 8 di GBK) bisa di hadiri sama siapa aja yang beli tiket pertandingan di Arsenal Indonesia Supporter atau biasa kita sebut AIS. hell yea i bought the ticket from them so hell yea i watched the training session. gabanyak yang bisa nonton tuh training session, maybe cuma 1/8 dari total penonton pertandingan besok malemnya karena selain limited, malem itu ujan gede bgt jd banyak yg mutusin buat ganonton. gila, itu malem tuh mighty night bgt. untuk pertama kali nya, i saw the mighty, the genius, the great great Arsene Wenger through my own lucky eyes. he waved his hands (yes, both hands) to us!!! air mata gue pun langsung turun dengan derasnya.. hell tears! you blocked my vision!

keadaan psikis gue udah gak bisa di gambarin lagi deh, gue ngeliat semua orang yang i've been adoring for years through my own eyes that night. i didnt (and still dont) care about having photos with them or get their autograph, karna bisa liat mereka langsung aja tuh kayaknya udah too much to get.

mereka trained normally. lari, lompat, etc etc. di akhir session, mereka dadahin kita semua dan itu precious moment bgt. gue ngeliat Per, Alex, Theo and Aaron dalam jarak yang lebih deket drpd gue ngeliat pemain lain. it felt unreal. it's not like it could even happen. but it did, it did happen and i am thankful for that.

gue pulang dengan hati gembira tak terkira dan gak sabar buat pertandingan esok hari.

(bersambung)

i've been in a kind of i-tweet-everything-i-feel mood lately. it's kind of frustrating bcos i'm basically a talkative kid and i've been having spare times to think about things that i didnt have time to think about before but i dont really want to talk THAT much on twitter. that's a problem.

i'm an expressive kid, and i simply cannot just keep my feelings to myself bcos if i do, i'll go crazy. i often talk to myself bcos it turned out that i'm my best best listener for myself. we (me and myself) talk about so many things, maybe everything, and so far i've been enjoying that activity.

back to tweet about everything i'm feeling mood, i think i'm gonna be a little bit more active here bcos i dont think anybody is gonna read it regulary.

soooooo... hello!

AAT2013 Part 1

Indonesia XI 0 – 2 Liverpool FC.

as much as i hate sp*rs and van p*ssy, i miss my Arsenal so bad!

hari ini seminggu yang lalu, gue lagi di kasur. tepar abis nonton Arsenal Open Training Session di GBK.

hari ini seminggu yang lalu, gue lagi dag-dig-dug-ser nungguin malem nanti, dimana gue bakal nonton Indonesia Dream Team v Arsenal FC.

gue blm lama jadi supporter-nya  Arsenal. musim  2013/2014 bakal jadi musim ke 4 gue. gue tau ini baru awal-awal masa menjadi-supporter-Arsenal gue, but i’m enjoying every second of it. gue sayang banget sama klub gue (and everything that comes around with it), and i can’t see the universe without me supporting the club.

gue emang baru jadi supporter Arsenal, tapi i’ve always been an Indonesia National Team fan. and i’ll always be. Indonesia itu Tanah Air, Kewarganegaraan, Darah dan Cinta yang akan selalu jadi bagian dari diri gue. i’m a proud Indonesian and i’ll stand for my country no matter who’ll try to come and steal my heart away.

so long story short, Arsenal ngumumin mereka bakal ke Indonesia dalam rangka Arsenal Asia Tour 2013. boi, i was screaming and jumping my butts off at that very moment! i was at school but who the heck cares, i was just TOO happy. gue langsung kalap menabung dan daydreaming tentang hari mereka dateng kesini.

penantian panjang pun berakhir. mereka mendarat di Lanud Halim sekitar jam 15:30 WIB. gue udah nangkring di Departure Gate (setelah digusur dari Arrival Gate) dari jam 13:00. gila! gue langsung disesaki perasaan terharu waktu baru sampe dan ngeliat itu lorong penuh sama sodara-sodara gooners yang lengkap berjersey dan siap berdiri ampe polio buat nunggu Arsenal. semua udah ready didepan gate, penuh sesak tapi excited. daripada bosen, kita mutusin buat nge-chants dan asli, i was THIS close from crying. gue terharu, seneng dan bangga bisa ada ditengah-tengan ribuan orang yang punya perasaan sama kayak gue toward the club. rasanya kayak, wow i just found the place where i belong.  

setelah terlunta beberapa jam tanpa penjelasan (mereka harusnya mendarat jam 13:30), ada seorang petugas yang bilang kalo Arsenal gak keluar lewat sini, tapi disono (somewhere i  couldn’t really say where). pindahlah gue dengan pertanyaan ‘bener gak nih bapak’. tiba-tiba segerombolan orang yang diri ngadep landasan, teriak histeris. DAMN, i got up and ran. setelah berjibaku ngedorong orang biar bisa ngeliat, i saw the plane and some people but not recognizing anyone.

gue memutuskan buat lari ke arah barat, kira-kira 500 meter dari tempat gue berdiri. shit, disana udah ada ribuan gooners, berdiri dan bergerombol bikin jalan buat bis club yang bakal lewat. i made my way just in time.

tiba-tiba, kedengaran teriakan histeris dari gerombolan depan. hell, the bus was coming out! ada 2 bus, bus pertama isinya pemain + le boss dan bus kedua isinya staff-staff. setelah gak sadarkan diri karena terlalu histeris, bus pertama lewat didepan gue. i was screaming and jumping and calling out names. orang pertama yang gue liat itu Poldi. trus Alex, Ryo, Eisfield, Lukasz dan Woj. di bus kedua gue tetep histeris walaupun gue gatau siapa mereka dan apa yang mereka lakuin buat klub. gue histeris bukan karena kebawa suasana bus pertama, tapi karna gue tau mereka somehow berjasa buat klub kesayangan gue. jadi gue histeris aja..

setelah mereka lewat, gue istirahat bentar buat mulihin pikiran yang barusan shaken too much dan tenggorokan yang kering kerontang. rasanya bahaya buat nyetir dalam keadaan begitu. setelah dirasa cukup sadarkan diri, gue pulang.

(bersambung)

different kid, different way.

iya gue tau ini jam 3 pagi. gue juga tau lo semua jam tidurnya pada acak-acakan juga kan gara-gara libur kelamaan????!!!

udah beberapa bulan ini mata gue terlunta, meminta tidur tetapi tak sanggup ku penuhi.. *abaikan*
emang sih tiap liburan, gue selalu tidur jam 1 malem, tapi sekarang gue tidur jam 5 subuh dan bangun jam 12 siang! gue udah lama gak liat sinar matahari, apalagi matahari department store.
gue jadi pemalas banget. abis bangun tidur gue males mandi, males jalan dan bahkan males ganti baju buat jemput adek gue yang sekarang udah selesai liburan sekolahnya. saking malesnya, udh seminggu ini gue selalu jemput dia pake rok sma gue yang abu-abu itu. rasanya mau angkat kaki buat pake jeans tuh harus usaha banget, ugh.

karena jam tidur gue adalah antara jam 5 subuh sampe jam 12 siang, pas jam orang normal tidur ya gue aktif melakukan berbagai hal-hal yang mostly gapenting.

malem ini gue abisin dengan chat sama beberapa orang teman, salah satunya panggil saja syifa (nama tidak disamarkan). kayak chat-chat malam (dan siang) sebelom-sebelomnya, omongan kami gaada yang penting. sama kayak idup kami akhir-akhir ini, gapenting. gue sama syifa ngomongin berbagai hal-hal murahan tanpa makna sampe tiba-tiba ada sesuatu yang nyentil otak gue.

gue baru sadar, sahabat-sahabat yang gue punya dikirim sama Allah buat ngasih gue rasa yang beda-beda. mereka semua sahabat gue, tapi dengan cara mereka yang beda-beda buat bikin gue nyaman sama mereka.

misalnya syifa, gue nyaman sama dia karna gue bisa cerita apa aja bahkan sampe hal paling gapenting di dunia pun, tanpa harus acually ketemu dia. she comforts me through text in the way that i can't actually explain.
trus falisha, gue nyaman cerita sama dia tapi harus face to face karna gatau kenapa kalo lewat teks tuh capek aja ceritanya dan rasanya pesannya gaakan nyampe karna mostly cerita kami itu hal-hal heboh yang butuh ekspresi muka langsung.
dan naila serta adhis dan beberapa orang lain yang kayaknya kl gue jelasin disini juga bakal jd panjang bgt.

mereka semua sahabat gue, mereka berharga buat gue dan gue sayang sama mereka. none of them are better than the other ones but they have their own mysterious ways to comfort me.

i guess i'm just one of those lucky girls havin her best friends around her.

:)

part 1 -- shaken

(before i say anything, i wanna tell you that there's a little time difference between when-i-should've-posted-this and when-i'm-actually-posting-this. so please, do me a favor. let's pretend that somehow i've posted this in July 19th, 2013 at 9 pm. sorry for this inconvenient, thank you and enjoy the show!)



it's funny how one little conversation could turn your whole world (and life) upside down. it's just unbelievable that one little convo could gives you such a huge impact for what will happen to you next.

i was here, laying in this very bed of mine 3 years ago. i don't really remember what happened at that very time but i can recall sitting in front of my tv to watch some news that i should write the stories about, later. i was excited (and scared) to go (again) to my new school the next day. i knew it was going to be fun and rough but at that very night, never in my mind i ever imagine of meeting a guy who'll say something to me and turn my whole goddamn life upside down.

that guy didn't say much. 12 words. and the next thing i knew, i was a 15 year old girl and my whole life had just gone shaken. in a way that only God-knows-what could done.

17+

gue tau ini udah lewat 10 hari dari ulang tahun ke 18 gue, tapi bukan berarti gue udah gaboleh ngomongin tentang itu lagi kan?

gue seneng akhirnya gue 18 tahun. dulu pas masih 16 tahun kebawah, gue pikir umur keramat itu ya 17 tahun. tapi waktu gue 17 tahun, gue ngeliat 18 sebagai garis akhir masa kanak-kanak gue yang sebenernya. waktu gue ulang tahun yang ke 17, gue baru naik ke kelas 12. gue masih tinggal dirumah sama ortu gue, bener-bener gaada bedanya sama waktu gue umur 16 kebawah. bedanya cuma gue udah punya ktp, itu aja.

sekarang gue udah 18 tahun. gue gabakal tinggal sama orang tua gue lagi karena gue bakal kuliah di Semarang. gue gapunya sanak saudara disana, jadi gue bakal bener-bener gak sama keluarga sedarah gue. sejujurnya, gue excited banget soal ini. seumur idup gue, gue gapernah jauh dari keluarga gue. gue belom pernah pindah rumah dan apapun yang gue lakuin selalu kemonitor sama ortu gue.

gue punya orang tua yang bisa dikatakan over-protecting. bukan strict ya, tapi over-protecting. dalam masalah sekolah, mereka cenderung demokratis. demokratis terbatas. gue boleh jadi apa aja yang gue mau, asal gue bisa bertanggung jawab disitu. gue beruntung ortu gue bukan ortu yang bertindak semau mereka aja. dari kecil, gue udah sadar kalo jalur gue tuh sosial, bukan eksakta. sejak kelas 10 gue udah bilang, gue mau ips, and they said yes. gue sempet mau ngambil psikologi buat kuliah, dan awalnya mereka dukung. trus suatu sore, bokap, yang emang bakat dan sifat dasarnya sama kayak gue, nanya apa gue yakin mau ambil psiko, karna di psiko, seenggak enggaknya gue harus bisa basic math. and i am an idiot on any kind of math. akhirnya gue merenung kenapa gue bisa berpikir mau ambil psiko.

ternyata gue cuma gaya-gayaan aja. gue pikir modal, suka dengerin curhatan orang aja cukup. akhirnya gue beralih ke pilihan cadangan gue, hukum. i was a fool to make jurisprudence my second option. justru, disitulah tempat gue. soon as i made my mind up, i know. i know it will be the place where i belong.

sekarang gue udah keterima di Universitas Diponegoro jurusan Ilmu Hukum. gue udah nyoba nyari jurusan lain buat dijadiin cadangan waktu daftar snmptn, tapi gue gadapet "penglihatan" itu. i took that as a guidance from Allah.


gue harap umur 18 ini bakal ngebawa gue tentunya ke arah yang lebih baik. dan gue harap umur ke 18 ini bisa ngasih kesan positif yang gaakan bisa gue lupain sampe gue meninggal nanti nya.

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun

NEW BEGINNING

not going to say bunch of words here, but..

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO FACULTY OF LAW, DIPONEGORO UNIVERSITY, 2013.
what makes it more special is that i got there through snmptn system.
and what makes it much more special is that it's the faculty of law!!
can you imagine? that's the dream and i fuckin nailed it.

i am so happy i can't really say anything about this but i am spectacularly happy.

Alhamdulillah, much much Alhamdulillah.

buat temen temen gue yang belom diterima di fak dan univ impian, semangat! kalian pasti bisa! impossible is nothing. you'll nail it.

sampe ketemu di UnDip, buat yang bakal jadi mahasiswa UnDip.

salam rantau!

is not it?

it's midnight. right when i type this word, it's 00:23. i just congratulated my buddy on his 18th bday, 27 mins ago. it was yesterday, wasn't it?
my best buddy ever, yes he is. he is my best buddy, ever.

it's pretty quite around here. my cousin is gonna be engaged this afternoon. pretty fast, isn't she? 4 people away and it'll be me. (practically speaking)

hah, life. it's difficult to talk about.

is not it?

you are, del. you really are. :)

FREEDOM IS HERE

the national examination is finally off!
i'm both happy and terrified. on one side, i do not have to wake up in the early morning anymore just to find out that i have to learn about things i do not wanna learn. on the other side, i do not wanna lose my play time with my buddys, yet.
my three-year of senior high school was amazing, it was both heaven and hell. i'm loving and hating every minute of  it.
i do wish i could had more time of it, but i cannot wait any longer for my university era to start.

i'm wishing myself my best of luck, my best of spirit.
ganbatte!

strike!

i like him, i honestly & helplessly like him. apart from him being a such a twat, without judging what club he's playing for now, apart from what club has he dumped like shit before.

he was my fav striker, second after Thierry. he was my reliable captain, without counting the previous ones which i hadn't been the fan of the club.

he is wild, he's versatile, he kept on saving our asses, he's that one reliable pure striker who scores when he wants.
he was and still is the top scorer of Premier League.

what i knew about him was that he was a humble player, loving father of two kids with a beautiful wife. he respected the manager. he hailed his club, club that had faith in him.

if only, if only i was unluckily not a gooner, he would undoubtedly be my fav player —not only fav striker— in the PL.
but then again, i'm a gooner which i considered as my luckiness. i'm just a normal fan who will NOT accept any kind of disrespectful actions against my beloved club.

ah, he was long gone and we've moved on.
why am i talking about this in the 1st place, anyway?

book as book, not film

so here's my opinion: 

some books are better stay as books.

sometimes the movie makers just failed to deliver the messages and ruined the whole things instead. or they even failed to interpret the stories.

i've read Perahu Kertas, a long time ago. and i like it, i like it so much that i've read them for 3 times and still crying over it and feeling so amazed. then they made it a film, two even. i haven't watch them, maybe i wouldn't. because i've fallen for the book that i don't want a film or two ruined it. even when i have none of knowledge about the movies, whether they are good or sucks.

sometimes the movie makers failed to keep the stories stick together. sometimes they changed the details in order to attract more moviegoers.

maybe they don't care, maybe you don't care either. but well, tell me how would you feel when you finished reading a novel and you fell into the story and then you watch the movie and it become a huge disappointment of yours?

anyway, i really wish nobody is going to make Fifty Shades trilogy a movie. or three.

2012

taun lalu gue ngepost disini, judulnya '2011'. sekarang gue ngepost disini, judulnya '2012'.

gila ye, setaun cepet banget (tiap akhir taun ngomong gini mulu). buat gue, 2012 cukup berkesan. kesannya? kesan baik. tapi ya ada juga kesan buruknya. that's why we called it 'life', not a fairy-perfect-tale.

2012 gue dibuka dengan King Henry balik ke Arsenal and he nailed it! geez i was beyond haaappy. dan setelah itu banyak kejadian memorable lainnya. bali jogja seangkatan, baduy, bazkom grand carnival, Arsenal 3rd place, Arjuna, naksir orang baru, finally graduated from LIA, spain juara eropa (lagi!), ditinggal sang kapten ke MU which really was devastating for me, dapetin Poldi Santi dan Oli, ke bali dua kali dalam kurun 2 bulan, turning on 17 and got my own KTP!!!, got my own car with my name on the documents!, pacarnya fabregas hamil dan kabarnya si bayi itu perempuan, KETEMU CESC dan Xabi Alonso!!!, ketemu sama sodara jauh yang ternyata beyond fuuuun, dan hal-hal #wazzek lainnya yang gamungkin diuraikan satu-satu disini.

intinya, i thank Allah for the life He has given to me. for the joys and sadness. for the laughters and the cries. thank you, Ya Allah. Alhamdulillah.

in 2013, may His blessings always be upon us. may we live happily and always feeling grateful.

may He help us to get through this year and give us strengths to get what we want&need.


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

p.s.: Sabila Fadhiah, Fakultas Hukum Universitas Indonesia, 2013. AAAMIN